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  • A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

    'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'

    'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

    'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'
    So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

    Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
    Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

    'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
    Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?'

    'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get
    dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

    Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you
    always wear a condom when you run?'

    'Nope.. only when it's raining.'
    2008 120 D4D GXL Auto, ARB Bar.
    OME Suspension, GME UHF, Alpine Stereo.
    Rear Spoiler, Hilux bonnet scoop. Hilux Washer Jets.
    ....... more to come .......

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    • What happens in Heaven .....
      All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted.
      One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

      The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.
      "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed.
      She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.
      Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry, too.
      I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.
      I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

      On seeing he was still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him.
      At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died."
      The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

      The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
      "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment.
      I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot.
      I fell, but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

      The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.
      He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters.
      He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows in here just before you."

      "I don't know about that." replies the man,
      "Picture this, I'm buck naked hiding' in this cedar chest....."
      Sold the Prado. Now FJ Cruiser

      Comment


      • Originally posted by MTpockets View Post
        I think the main thing here is to keep jokes CLEAN and politically correct, meaning stick to forum ettiqute.
        Lucky I just read that. I have heard so many non pc jokes lately.


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        Cheers
        Blake

        04 Silver Diesel GXL with lots of stuff
        [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

        Comment


        • Aww bugger, he fun police are out
          Marc, 2003 Grande V6, Just a Bit of Stuff Done..........Work in progress.
          [url=http://www.pradopoint.com/showthread.php?21168-1Coolbanana-s-Grande-Build-Up]1Coolbanana's rig build up[/url]

          Comment


          • Originally posted by 1coolbanana View Post
            Aww bugger, he fun police are out
            Or it was the original post back from 2007 that was quoted above... Lol.


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
            -----------------------
            Daniel
            Toyota Prado 150 Series D4D VX Auto Graphite with a 2009 Jayco Hawk Outback
            My Rig Build Up - [URL="http://www.pradopoint.com/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=9064"]viewtopic.php?f=38&t=9064[/URL]

            Comment


            • Yes it was Roger no had a cracker of a joke but it was quite bad 😉


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              Blake

              04 Silver Diesel GXL with lots of stuff
              [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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              • Thats why I dont post many........would offend too many minorities.........actually not minorities, that would be us, the majority would be offended though

                Geez, I got a few rippers
                Marc, 2003 Grande V6, Just a Bit of Stuff Done..........Work in progress.
                [url=http://www.pradopoint.com/showthread.php?21168-1Coolbanana-s-Grande-Build-Up]1Coolbanana's rig build up[/url]

                Comment


                • Originally posted by BlakMoth View Post
                  Yes it was Roger no had a cracker of a joke but it was quite bad 😉


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                  Originally posted by 1coolbanana View Post
                  Thats why I dont post many........would offend too many minorities.........actually not minorities, that would be us, the majority would be offended though

                  Geez, I got a few rippers
                  That's what PM's are for gents, feel free to pm me any joke, always keen for a good laugh and it's been 12 years since I 'read' a picture mag, hehe.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                  -----------------------
                  Daniel
                  Toyota Prado 150 Series D4D VX Auto Graphite with a 2009 Jayco Hawk Outback
                  My Rig Build Up - [URL="http://www.pradopoint.com/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=9064"]viewtopic.php?f=38&t=9064[/URL]

                  Comment


                  • As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork's already done".
                    Sold the Prado. Now FJ Cruiser

                    Comment


                    • A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
                      In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
                      'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
                      Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

                      'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted.'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

                      Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road..... '

                      The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

                      By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor:
                      'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

                      Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.

                      'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

                      Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

                      Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

                      'Now wot da fock would you say?'
                      [SIZE=1]06 Prado GXL,V6 auto BLACK,MT STZ LT265/65/17,toyota sovereign bull bar.Because of Prado Point HAD to get - Lovells springs/Bilstein shocks-50mm lift,ScanGaugeII,Dig Options AVN11TP GPS Unit, Lifestyle rack, Hilux Jets,AMTS 55W HID Black Euro Spotties,AMTS tyre carrier spacer,AMTS radiator bash plate, AJ120 rock sliders,LEDLAD interior lights,AMTS LED sov.bar,AMTS recovery points,safari snorkel and pioneer platform -DAMM YOU PP!![/SIZE]

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                      • 👍


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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                        Blake

                        04 Silver Diesel GXL with lots of stuff
                        [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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                        • When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.


                          One of the questions asked us to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.


                          Those who answered spine are doctors today.


                          The rest of us are sending jokes via email.


                          Some even ended up as teachers!
                          Sold the Prado. Now FJ Cruiser

                          Comment


                          • This one's pretty cool when it works, and it involves some participation on your behalf......
                            I bet I can guess what colour animal and country your thinking of from you choosing some numbers

                            Ready? Here goes

                            Pick a number between two and ten and times it by nine
                            Now add the two numbers you got for your answer together. So for example if you got 13 add the 1 and the 3 to make 4, or 71 add the 7 and 1 to make 8
                            Got it?
                            Now take away 5
                            Now correspond that number with the letter in the alphabet. So if you got 1 it would be A, 2 is B, 3 is C etc
                            Now think of a country that starts with that letter
                            Got that?
                            Now think of an animal that's not native to Australia that begins with the second letter of that country
                            And it's colour

                            I bet I know what it is, your answer is in the next post.......
                            [B]Cheers Gary[B]
                            [I]White 150 V6 GXL: TJM bullbar, ARB Intensity LED spotties, ICOM 440 UHF CB, ARB 2" OME lift kit, Tracklander roof rack, ABR Sidewinder alternator fuse, dual battery system, two 40L Engels, ORS fridge slide, solar regulator, 3rd row seats removed and ORS twin drawers with Autosafe cargo barrier, ARB twin motor air compressor [/I][/B][/B]

                            Comment


                            • Is it a Grey Elephant from Denmark?
                              [B]Cheers Gary[B]
                              [I]White 150 V6 GXL: TJM bullbar, ARB Intensity LED spotties, ICOM 440 UHF CB, ARB 2" OME lift kit, Tracklander roof rack, ABR Sidewinder alternator fuse, dual battery system, two 40L Engels, ORS fridge slide, solar regulator, 3rd row seats removed and ORS twin drawers with Autosafe cargo barrier, ARB twin motor air compressor [/I][/B][/B]

                              Comment


                              • Wtf Gaz. You readin my mind? Lol


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                                Cheers
                                Blake

                                04 Silver Diesel GXL with lots of stuff
                                [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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