Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

[OT] Jokes page

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • A retired gentleman went to Centrelink Office to apply for the Age Pension.


    The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to
    Verify his age.

    He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

    He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his
    wallet at home.

    "I will have to go home and come back later." he said.

    The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

    So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.

    She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and
    She processed his Age Pension application.

    When he returned home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his
    Experience at the Centrelink office.

    She says, "You should have dropped your pants.

    You might have got the Disability Pension, too."
    LES
    [url=http://www.brisbane4wdclub.org/index1.htm]Brisbane 4Wd Club Inc[/url]
    [url=http://www.brisbane4wdclub.org/images/avatars/mystuff.htm]MY STUFF[/url]

    Comment


    • This is weird, but interesting!


      fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
      Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
      i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
      LES
      [url=http://www.brisbane4wdclub.org/index1.htm]Brisbane 4Wd Club Inc[/url]
      [url=http://www.brisbane4wdclub.org/images/avatars/mystuff.htm]MY STUFF[/url]

      Comment


      • Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge
        around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to
        maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was
        one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and
        some of them actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one
        corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his
        arm outstretched. " STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got
        a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and
        pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and
        away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV
        lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and
        shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her
        handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold
        nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am." As Ethel neared the fi nal
        corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and
        holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand. " Oh, good grief," yelled
        Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"
        LES
        [url=http://www.brisbane4wdclub.org/index1.htm]Brisbane 4Wd Club Inc[/url]
        [url=http://www.brisbane4wdclub.org/images/avatars/mystuff.htm]MY STUFF[/url]

        Comment


        • Spara

          'Early to bed and early to rise --
          Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

          Comment


          • Spara

            'Early to bed and early to rise --
            Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

            Comment


            • Spara

              'Early to bed and early to rise --
              Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

              Comment




              • Cheers
                Chippy

                Comment


                • SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE (This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!) This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California )staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

                  This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

                  The outgoing message:

                  "Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

                  •To lie about why your child is absent- Press 1 *

                  • To make excuses for why your child did not do his work-Press 2 *

                  • To complain about what we do - Press 3 *

                  •To swear at staff members - Press 4 *

                  •To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5 *

                  • If you want us to raise your child - Press 6 *

                  • If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone-Press 7 *

                  • To request another>>>teacher, for the third time this year-Press 8 *

                  • To complain about bus transportation - Press 9 *

                  • To complain about school lunches - Press 0 *

                  • If you realise this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

                  •If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the wrong country
                  Spara

                  'Early to bed and early to rise --
                  Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

                  Comment


                  • Spara

                    'Early to bed and early to rise --
                    Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

                    Comment


                    • Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench
                      outside a nursing home.

                      About then an old Grandpa walked by, and one of the old
                      Grandma's yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly
                      how old you are."

                      The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it,
                      you old fools."

                      One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop
                      your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact
                      age."

                      Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they
                      couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

                      The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple
                      of times and to jump up and down several times. Then
                      they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

                      Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old
                      gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

                      Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all
                      three old ladies happily yelled in unison-- "We were at
                      your birthday party yesterday
                      Sold the Prado. Now FJ Cruiser

                      Comment


                      • Spara

                        'Early to bed and early to rise --
                        Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

                        Comment


                        • Spara

                          'Early to bed and early to rise --
                          Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

                          Comment


                          • A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
                            Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them in the bedroom,
                            and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
                            Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home. She
                            puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in
                            there already. After a little while the little boy says, "Dark in here."
                            The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything
                            let alone from a little boy says, "Yes, it is."
                            Boy - "I have a football."
                            Man - "That's nice."
                            Boy - "Want to buy it?"
                            Man - "No, thanks."
                            Boy - "My dad's outside."
                            Man - "OK, how much?"
                            Boy - "$250"
                            In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
                            in the cupboard together.
                            Boy - "Dark in here."
                            Man - "Yes, it is."
                            Boy - "I have football boots."

                            The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "OK How much this
                            time?"
                            Boy - "$750"
                            Man - "Sold
                            A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots
                            and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer."
                            The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."

                            The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
                            Boy - " I sold them to a friend of mine for a $1,000."
                            The father says, "That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your
                            friend like that".
                            "That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take
                            you to church and make you confess your terrible sin."
                            They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
                            confession booth and he closes the door.

                            the boy says, "Dark in here".
                            The priest says, "Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're
                            in my f...... cupboard now"!!
                            Spara

                            'Early to bed and early to rise --
                            Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

                            Comment


                            • Spara

                              'Early to bed and early to rise --
                              Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

                              Comment


                              • Spara

                                'Early to bed and early to rise --
                                Till you get enough money to do otherwise.'

                                Comment

                                canli bahis siteleri bahis siteleri ecebet.net
                                mencisport.com
                                antalya escort
                                tsyd.org deneme bonusu veren siteler
                                deneme bonusu veren siteler
                                gaziantep escort
                                gaziantep escort
                                asyabahis maltcasino olabahis olabahis
                                erotik film izle Rus escort gaziantep rus escort
                                atasehir escort tuzla escort
                                sikis sex hatti
                                en iyi casino siteleri
                                deneme bonusu veren siteler
                                casibom
                                deneme bonusu veren siteler
                                deneme bonusu veren siteler
                                betticket istanbulbahis
                                Working...
                                X